“So Herr Pearce, where are we?” asked Herr Rimle, the Swiss HR manager I was phoning so that he could tell me whether I had got a job or not.
“Stockholm?” (Well I was.)
“No.”
“I am in Stockholm.” I wasn’t going to shift on this one. I was definitely in Stockholm.
“No Herr Pearce. Where are we with regard to the position with us?” I was confused. He was supposed to be telling me whether I had a job.
“I was impressed by your company,” I offered.
“Yes, very good. That is good. So where are we?”
For fucks sake. This had the potential to go on all day. I wasn’t about to let that happen as the call was costing me a fortune. Getting a job in Zurich was getting harder (and pricier) by the minute.
“Do I have the job?” Perhaps blunt was best.
“I beg your pardon?” Blunt wasn’t best. Maybe, I thought, if I hypothesise enough and confuse him with the vagaries of the English language, he’ll cut to the chase.
“If you were to offer me a position with you, I would accept.”
“Excellent. In that case I would like to offer you a job with us.” Bingo. God bless the much-underused subjunctive tense of the English language. I was almost tempted to ask if he felt like offering me a reimbursement of call costs.
So there we are. I’m off to live in Switzerland, home of cuckoo clocks, nazi gold and the highest number of firearms per capita in the entire world. I suppose all that nazi gold needs protecting somehow.
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2 comments:
Hate to shatter your world, but I fear that the Subjunctive is actually a mood rather than a tense...
Anyway, well done on the job! Switzerland will be great. You'll become very neutral though.
Great blog. When's your next post going to be?
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